As I start to dive deeper into my journey in Chicago and jump-starting my career, I get brought back down to earth (since I’m on cloud nine a lot of the time) by a handful of quotes.
“Maybe the past is an anchor holding us back. Maybe, you have to let go of who you are to become who you will be.” - Carrie (Sex and the City)
Now, one might not think that quoting SATC is relevant (or at all eloquent when I’ve quoted much better sources), but this week, it totally is. I went home to Florida to see my parents this weekend for the first time since I moved to Chicago. It was also graduation weekend. There were a lot of memories from the past six years since I started college, and particularly memories from high school.
I’ve relocated three times in six years. From Overland Park, Kansas, to Orlando, to Tampa, and now I’ve landed in Chicago. I’ve certainly let go of a lot of my past to get to where I want to be. But there is one part that I just can’t shake.
For the past seven years, I’ve been having these dreamy, heads-in-the-clouds conversations with my high school sweetheart. He is without a doubt my best friend, and I always call him when things with my new relationships are on the rocks. He does the same. We catch up for a couple weeks, talk about our grand backup plan to marry each other if by (insert age here) we haven’t found anyone that compares, and it’s all roses and butterflies. For seven years I’ve been playing this game. I know how it ends, we go about our lives and catch up again in 4-6 months. I know the ending. Did I mention we’ve been doing this for SEVEN YEARS?
For now a quarter of my life, I’ve been tossing around the idea and hopes that we’ll someday be reunited and the fire we had in high school will still be there. Now I’m sitting here, in Chicago, with a great career ahead of me, and I can’t help but wonder, at what point in time do I stop playing, and let go? Do I? I can’t. It’s not like this is some damaging process that we go through – if anything it gives me something extra to smile about for the week or two that we entertain the thought of getting back together. At the end of the day, I’m in Chicago, he’s in KC, and neither one of us is fond of long-distance.
I just feel like someday, this is going to work out. But at what point in time do I tell him to get his shit together and commit already or I just drop it? Being the hopeless romantics that we are, we keep playing this game. This quote troubles me, but answers all of my questions at the same time:
“Fate exists but it can only take you so far, because once you’re there, it’s up to you to make it happen.” -Can’t Hardly Wait
Now, with this career in mind, the game has changed. I’m hoping to be brought on board full time at some fabulous agency here in Chicago. I’m working super-hard at my internship, trying to contribute as much as possible to add value to the projects that I touch. He’s secure in his career, and was fortunate to land a fantastic engineering job right out of college in a time when engineers aren’t finding a lot of work.
So it’s probably not going to happen anytime soon.
I guess the game has come at the perfect time, as my up-in-the-clouds hopes of romance will definitely keep me from getting distracted with anyone who lives here. And right now, a local distraction could kill me. A local distraction, in times past, has been the reason I stay up late on the phone when I should be studying, and my priorities get all screwy.
So I’ll keep truckin’. I’ll keep working hard, making friends, trying to prove my value at my internship and let the chips fall where they may. I’m excited. And for this week, you know why I’m extra smiley.
